Verbatim

My mother in law is far from a prude and a very accomplished and cosmopolitan woman -- and she is very outspoken, not shy, and talks animatedly to anyone about anything.

But there are certain words that she will NOT say. It's really starting to crack me up. Most of them seem to be related to body parts or bodily functions... and after spending the last week with them, I've started to compile a list. Here's a taste -- 2 of my favorites:

1. Poop, Poopie, Pooped, etc ...
Suitable alternatives (in true-to-life representations) appear below:

"On the way back from our walk, the dog CRAPPED all over Mrs. Henderson's yard and I didn't have a plastic bag so I just left it there."

"The baby did not eat much for lunch today, but she had a BOWEL MOVEMENT before her nap and I think that's what it was. She just needed to MOVE HER BOWELS."

"Granddaughter, do you have a STINKY in your pants?"

2. Constipation, constipated
Suitable alternatives appear to be:

"Auntie is recovering nicely from her hernia operation -- she had been BACKED UP for a week and that's what had tipped her off that something was wrong..."

"I don't think the baby should eat so much cheese -- it will STOP HER UP."

There are more along the lines of these two... but those are my favorites. And anyone with a dog or a baby knows that "Poop" becomes the most-used word in the English language, so trust me my MIL has the opportunity to enrich her Word Power often.

Funny enough, I've never met anyone who uses the word "vagina" more liberally than my MIL. I'm a sensitive new age gal, but that kind of skeeves me out.