Merry Gin Day: A Christmas Monologue

Setting: In-laws' condo in Vermont. Late on Christmas night. Martha Who, Husband, In-laws are in living room. Post-West Wing. It is quiet. Brother-in-Law enters from kitchen with a fresh gin and tonic.

MARTHA'S BROTHER-IN-LAW (holding glass up to Christmas Tree)
Anyone else want a gin and tonic?

Silence. This is B-I-L's third gin and tonic.

MARTHA'S BROTHER-IN-LAW (continuing...)
Anyone else deserve a gin and tonic?
Ahhhhhhh....gin.
Gin, gin, gin, gin gin!

Martha looks up from her crossword puzzle. B-I-L approaches the tree, and the Nativity scene beneath it. He raises his glass to the Tree again.

MARTHA'S BROTHER-IN-LAW (in Martha's general direction, but not really to Martha or anyone specifically)
Gin is....
Gin is....
Well, Gin is like the nectar...
Like the...

A pause as B-I-L falls into reverie. He finds his muse and continues with passion.

MARTHA'S BROTHER-IN-LAW
Gin is like the nectar... of Baby Jesus Christ, Himself! Seriously... the baby Jesus. As in Jesus Christ. If Jesus were to stand up here right now, and urinate down on us, it would be gin. Beautiful, crystal-clear, wonderful, perfect gin. Jesus Beefeater Christ...

MARTHA'S BROTHER-IN-LAW (sitting down next to his mother and looking longingly into his glass)
Gin, gin, gin...we've been through a lot together. Some good times, some bad times. But mostly good. And always interesting. And always ... together. This day is really a celebration of gin. Of Jesus's pee. Thank you, Jesus.

Merry Gin Day!

Merry Gin Day...

I'm done.

CURTAIN

postscript from MarthaWho:

Merry Gin Day to all, and to all a good night!