The Rise of Entrepreneurship -- A Short Play

SETTING: The car. On the way back from Home Depot.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
So what did your boss tell you today about your job?

MARTHAWHO:
Dude.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
What's wrong?

MARTHAWHO:
Don't you think if I knew something I'd tell you?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Yes.

MARTHAWHO:
So why do you always ask such stupid questions?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
What?

MARTHAWHO:
I mean, we're only talking about my JOB here. Whether or not I'll be employed after next Friday. A portion of our family's livelihood.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Right. So what's the problem?

MARTHAWHO:
Soooo the problem is you keep asking me every day what my boss is telling me about the imminent layoffs, and don't you think I would just tell you if something was happening?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Sure.

MARTHAWHO:
So why do you keep asking me???? It's not like I'm going to get laid off and then tell you two weeks later.

silence.

MARTHAWHO:
It's just annoying that's all. I don't have anything to report. You know what I know.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Right. So what did he say?

silence.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
They fired Paulie today.

MARTHAWHO:
Paulie who? Paulie Walnuts? Who are you talking about? A little context would be helpful.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Paulie, you know. Three hundred pound scratch golfer. Sales.

MARTHAWHO:
That means nothing to me. I don't know your sales force.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
I just think it was a bad call. I mean, he was a good guy. Just wasn't making his numbers.

MARTHAWHO:
Sorry to hear it then.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
That's OK. He's going to work for my buddy out on the West Coast.

MARTHAWHO:
He's going to relocate?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Geez no ... he's a salesguy. He'll just travel wherever.

MARTHAWHO:
Sounds glamorous. Your company lays off a lot of people. Can we just stop talking about layoffs PLEASE???

silence.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
So here's a funny story. This will mean nothing to you, so it probably won't be funny.

MARTHAWHO:
Then why bring it up?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Because it's hilarious.

MARTHAWHO:
I'm a captive audience.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
So I was talking to this guy at the sales training this week and he was telling me about this time in the really early days of the company. He was in charge of marketing for the product.

MARTHAWHO:
You've been there done that.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Yeah but this was the really early days. Like right after we were spun out of the parent company. Years before I started.

MARTHAWHO:
Anyways.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Anyways. Like I was saying. He was in charge of marketing and he wanted to put an ad in one of the trade magazines promoting the product. So he asked Wally.

MARTHAWWHO:
As in Wally the incompentent Wally that hired you and was your first boss Wally and who got fired after you started Wally?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
One and the same.

MARTHAWWHO:
Oh good. I love a good Wally story.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
I thought you might. Anyway. The ad cost $100, and Wally wouldn't let him run the ad because there wasn't any money in the budget for magazine advertising.

MARTHAWHO:
That's ridiculous! They coudn't come up with $100 for an ad? Stupid stupid.

Mr. MARTHAWHO:
Right -- So listen to what my friend did.

MARTHAWHO:
OK what?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
He had a BAKE SALE.

MARTHAWHO:
What?

MR. MARTHWHO:
He had a bake sale!

MARTHAWHO:
As in, little cookies and whoopie pies and brownies all wrapped up in clingwrap and sold for twenty five cents a pop?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Yes!

MARTHAWHO:
Oh. My. God. You are shitting me.

MR. MARTHWHO:
I'm not even kidding. He made all the treats himself and sold them at work to raise money for the ad!

MARTHAWHO:
Did he tell people why he was selling them? I mean, he was like, buy my snickerdoodles so I can place an ad about the product we're all working on to promote it???

MR. MARTHWHO:
Yep! Right in the employee caf.

MARTHAWHO:
That is fricking brilliant.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
It's hilarious.

MARTHAWHO:
I love it.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
I couldn't believe it when he told me.

MARTHAWHO:
So did it work? Did he raise the money?

MR. MARTHAWHO:
H e raised something like eighty two dollars.

MARTHAWHO:
Wow. That's a lot of snickerdoodles. You'd think someone at that point would have just said here's a $20 -- go place that ad, son.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Well someone did! Wally found out about it and made a visit to the bake sale. He was not impressed.

MARTHAWHO:
What? I mean -- that took a lot of guts and creativity for your friend to find a solution to that problem. He should have been rewarded.

MR. MARTHWHO:
Apparently Wally was like "We don't do this kind of thing around here," and gave him the rest of the money he needed to place the ad.

MARTHAWHO:
Oh that is just so rich. I love it.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
It's a great story isn't it?

MARTHAWHO:
Yeah....

silence.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Whatcha thinking about?

MARTHAWHO:
I was thinking about your friend's bake sale.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Like how to work it into your blog?

MARTHAWHO:
Ha.
Ha.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Seriously.

MARTHAWHO:
Seriously ... I was thinking about driving down to my company's HQ and having a bake sale on my own behalf. You know -- to pre-emptively save my job.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Aw come on...

MARTHAWHO:
No really -- there's a lot of peeps down at the HQ. It would take a lot o' snickerdoodles, but if I could come up with a few tens of thousands of dollars maybe I could make a case.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Uh-huh.

MARTHAWHO:
It does seem like a lot of work ...

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Uh-huh.

MARTHAWHO:
But I'd be a hero. An urban legend. A cross between Rocky and Office Space.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Dare to dream kiddo.

MARTHAWHO:
Food for thought.

MR. MARTHAWHO:
Well let me know before you make any moves that might have you dragged out of your HQ in handcuffs.

MARTHAWHO:
You know I'll keep you posted!

MR. MARTHAWHO:
And seriously -- let me know when you talk to your boss.

MARTHAWHO:
AAAAAAAARGH!

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