Entertaining Made Easy
Hot off the presses!
Martha Who?'s Ten Easy Steps for That Perfect Dinner Party
1. THE GUEST LIST: Raise the bar -- If you haven't entertained in a long time, your first dinner guests should be people you don't know well -- or even better -- people you don't know at all! You'll be ten times more effective knowing that your dinner party will be the first impression your guests will have of you, your home, your children, and your cooking!
2. THE MENU: Plan your menu and do the grocery shopping a day in advance. Make it a family event so everyone feels involved. Resist all temptation to bring a shopping list. It's a fun and stimulating challenge to have to improvise later at home when you realize you forgot a crucial ingredient. It's even more fun to send your husband out in his non-existent spare time to get those forgotten ingredients!
3. FOOD PREPARATION: Make sure that you do not have a babysitter or any help lined up while you prepare the meal. Having a rambunctious toddler nipping at your heels while you cook increases your adrenaline and finely hones your multi-tasking abilities.
4. A NOTE ABOUT HOUSECLEANING: If you leave most of the lights off, the three inches of dog hair tumbleweed will go largely unnoticed.
5. WHEN TO START YOUR DINNER PARTY: Plan for your guests to arrive exactly 30 minutes before your toddler's bedtime. This will of course allow your guests to meet the princess while she is at her most fresh and alert.
6. GREETING YOUR GUESTS: Believe it or not -- a thorough crotch-sniff screening by a 100-lb Chocolate Lab is very in right now. It's a great ice-breaker and gets the evening off to a rollicking good start!
7. APPETIZERS: Another really fun party game is called "Human Coffee Table" -- increasingly used by hosts who have chosen to eliminate an actual coffee table from their living rooms. Guests take turns holding an unwieldy appetizer tray, while going to great lengths to keep it above the heads of the begging dog and the 19-month old toddler who is Tazmanian Devil-ing her way to a major past-her-bedtime kind of meltdown.
8. THE MAIN COURSE: The main course should be served an hour after your guests arrive, after your toddler has made it through 17 verses of Baa Baa Black Sheep and has made your guests sip make-believe soup from her Fisher Price kitchen set. Your guests will think this diversion is charming, believe me, and the extra wait will make everyone more hungry. Fifteen minutes into the main course one or both of the hosts should abandon the table to sing 17 verses of Sting's "Fields of Gold" (long story) to get said toddler to go to sleep. Don't worry. Your guests will understand. It's not like you're leaving them alone. The dog is warming their hearts with his big brown eyes and filling their shoes and laps with his warm sloppy begging drool under the table.
9. DESSERT: Dessert for the hosts will be the main course, since they spent most of the main course in the baby's bedroom. Dessert for the guests will be delayed.
10. AFTER DINNER DISCUSSION AND GOODBYES: The real adult conversation of the evening is reserved for this special part of the event when the baby is in bed, and the dog has given up on begging. This will be the point where you realize there is nothing to talk about because your whole life IS the baby and the dog, but that's OK because just then your dog will let fly a very silent but very potent fart which will smoke everyone out of the room and bring the evening to an early close.
PS Thanks to A and C for what actually turned out to be a lovely evening...
PPS I can't believe I just used the word "Fart" in my blog. How utterly UN-Martha-Like.
Martha Who?'s Ten Easy Steps for That Perfect Dinner Party
1. THE GUEST LIST: Raise the bar -- If you haven't entertained in a long time, your first dinner guests should be people you don't know well -- or even better -- people you don't know at all! You'll be ten times more effective knowing that your dinner party will be the first impression your guests will have of you, your home, your children, and your cooking!
2. THE MENU: Plan your menu and do the grocery shopping a day in advance. Make it a family event so everyone feels involved. Resist all temptation to bring a shopping list. It's a fun and stimulating challenge to have to improvise later at home when you realize you forgot a crucial ingredient. It's even more fun to send your husband out in his non-existent spare time to get those forgotten ingredients!
3. FOOD PREPARATION: Make sure that you do not have a babysitter or any help lined up while you prepare the meal. Having a rambunctious toddler nipping at your heels while you cook increases your adrenaline and finely hones your multi-tasking abilities.
4. A NOTE ABOUT HOUSECLEANING: If you leave most of the lights off, the three inches of dog hair tumbleweed will go largely unnoticed.
5. WHEN TO START YOUR DINNER PARTY: Plan for your guests to arrive exactly 30 minutes before your toddler's bedtime. This will of course allow your guests to meet the princess while she is at her most fresh and alert.
6. GREETING YOUR GUESTS: Believe it or not -- a thorough crotch-sniff screening by a 100-lb Chocolate Lab is very in right now. It's a great ice-breaker and gets the evening off to a rollicking good start!
7. APPETIZERS: Another really fun party game is called "Human Coffee Table" -- increasingly used by hosts who have chosen to eliminate an actual coffee table from their living rooms. Guests take turns holding an unwieldy appetizer tray, while going to great lengths to keep it above the heads of the begging dog and the 19-month old toddler who is Tazmanian Devil-ing her way to a major past-her-bedtime kind of meltdown.
8. THE MAIN COURSE: The main course should be served an hour after your guests arrive, after your toddler has made it through 17 verses of Baa Baa Black Sheep and has made your guests sip make-believe soup from her Fisher Price kitchen set. Your guests will think this diversion is charming, believe me, and the extra wait will make everyone more hungry. Fifteen minutes into the main course one or both of the hosts should abandon the table to sing 17 verses of Sting's "Fields of Gold" (long story) to get said toddler to go to sleep. Don't worry. Your guests will understand. It's not like you're leaving them alone. The dog is warming their hearts with his big brown eyes and filling their shoes and laps with his warm sloppy begging drool under the table.
9. DESSERT: Dessert for the hosts will be the main course, since they spent most of the main course in the baby's bedroom. Dessert for the guests will be delayed.
10. AFTER DINNER DISCUSSION AND GOODBYES: The real adult conversation of the evening is reserved for this special part of the event when the baby is in bed, and the dog has given up on begging. This will be the point where you realize there is nothing to talk about because your whole life IS the baby and the dog, but that's OK because just then your dog will let fly a very silent but very potent fart which will smoke everyone out of the room and bring the evening to an early close.
PS Thanks to A and C for what actually turned out to be a lovely evening...
PPS I can't believe I just used the word "Fart" in my blog. How utterly UN-Martha-Like.
posted by Martha Who? | 7:44 PM
3 Comments:
All I need are the kid and the dog. Ready to rock past that. Excellent guide. Dog farts and all. Martha should take a hint and attempt to incorporate canine flatulence, or some other quadraped's gas. Bodily functions be the soul of wit.
So, everything went well, I take it?
yeah... it was SPLENDID. A splendidly humiliating evening. Can't wait to do it again!! :)
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