Martha Who?

or...who really has it all, while keeping it all together?

Name:
Location: New England, United States

Friday, August 11, 2006

CreepShow

SETTING:
Boston South Station. Yesterday. Waiting to board bus to Portland. MarthaWho is the last one in line.

GUY, SECOND TO LAST IN LINE (GSLL):
Hey. You taken this bus before.
Hey. Excuse me.

MARTHAWHO:
Yes?

GSLL:
Have you taken this bus before?

MARTHAWHO:
Maybe once or twice in my life.

GSLL:
So, what happens if they don't have enough room for all of us on the bus? Do they bring a new bus?

MARTHAWHO:
I have no idea. Sorry.

GSLL:
Thought you said you took this bus before?

MARTHAWHO:
I'm not usually the last one in line. I don't know what happens. Sorry.

MW looks back down at her magazine reading the same page for the 100th time, hoping to avoid future conversation with the dude.

GSLL:
You can have my spot.

MARTHAWHO:
What?

GSLL:
I mean if it bothers you being the last person in line, you can have my spot and I'll be the last person in line.

MARTHAWHO:
No, that's OK. Really.

GSLL:
(he thinks he's hilarious)
'Cause I don't want you to get a complex about being the last one in the line.

MARTHAWHO:
Really. I'm fine.

GSLL:
You were on the Acela coming up here weren't you?

MARTHAWHO:
Uh... yeah.

GSLL:
Me too. I saw you. We were both on the "Quiet Car".

MARTHAWHO:
Uh-huh.

GSLL:
So did your trip originate in New York then?

MARTHAWHO:
Uh-huh.

GSLL:
I started in Allentown.

MARTHAWHO:
Uh-huh.

GSLL:
I couldn't find a flight that worked for me. This train to bus thing works out much better in terms of getting closest to where I need to get.

MARTHAWHO:
That's nice.

GSLL:
Do you live in New York?

MARTHAWHO:
Nope.

GSLL:
Maine?

MARTHAWHO:
Yep.

GSLL:
I live in Allentown.

MARTHAWHO:
Yes. You mentioned that.

GSLL:
No I didn't. I said I originated my trip in Allentown. I never said I lived there. You made that assumption.

MARTHAWHO:
Uh-huh.

GSLL:
So were you working in New York?

MARTHAWHO:
Yep.

GSLL:
Did you stay in the city?

MARTHAWHO:
Yep.

GSLL:
Cool... you must have gotten to part-tay out all night then.

MARTHAWHO contemplates her obviously pregnant self and wonders silently how someone can be so daft.

GSLL:
So do you just love the bus?

MARTHAWHO:
Not really.

GSLL:
I bet your company would have paid for you to fly.

MARTHAWHO:
They did. I didn't want to deal with the Airports today. (suddenly wishing she had dealt with the airports today).

GSLL:
Oh yeah. All that. See? That's why I love the train. And the bus.

BUS COMPANY REP:
You folks all heading up to Portland? Another bus is coming in about 5 minutes. This one is all full. Sit tight.

GSLL:
Cool. I thought they'd do that.

MARTHAWHO:
Yep. That's nice of them.

GSLL:
So what kind of work were you doing in New York?

MARTHAWHO:
Marketing.

GSLL:
Oh my brother knows something about that. He's a marketing manager for World Wildlife.

MARTHAWHO:
Nice.

GSLL:
Yeah. He used to work for MCI. He was making something like a million dollars a year or something you know.

MARTHAWHO:
Uh-huh.

GSLL:
But he hated his job. So he quite and now he's at World Wildlife.

MARTHAWHO:
Sounds good.

GSLL:
Yeah. He really likes it.

MARTHAWHO:
Uh-huh.

GSLL:
I'm heading up to Belgrade Lakes. You know where that is?

MARTHAWHO:
Yep.

GSLL:
My kids are up there with my wife. I dropped them off about 2 weeks ago and left my car with them to use. Took the bus and train back to Allentown and now I'm heading back up to get them. And the car.

MARTHAWHO:
That's a lot of traveling.

GSLL:
It's just better. I like the train.

MARTHAWHO:
Yep.

GSLL:
What do you think of that "Quiet Car" on Amtrak anyway?

MARTHAWHO:
I love it.

GSLL:
I didn't even know I was on the Quiet car to be honest, until the conductor said something.

MARTHAWHO:
I love quiet.

GSLL:
I usually like to chat to someone on the train you know. Conversations with strangers can be really interesting.

MARTHAWHO:
You don't say.

GSLL:
I had a great conversation with a guy on my trip down to PA a few weeks back.

MARTHAWHO:
Oh look -- there's our bus.

GSLL:
Oh Cool.

MARTHAWHO puts her magazine back in her bag and heads for the door. GSLL shuffles a few things around in his bag and leaves a limp pair of boxers hanging out of the front pocket of his duffle.

GSLL:
(matter of factly like it's the most normal thing in the world)
My underwear aren't dry yet so I left them out to air dry.

MARTHAWHO:
Have a good trip.

MARTHAWHO runs onto the bus and grabs a seat and plugs in a pair of headphones. There are only 5 people on the whole bus. GSLL sits across from her in the opposite side of the bus.

GSLL:
You gonna watch the movie?

MARTHAWHO turns up the volume puts on her sunglasses and pretends not to hear. Ten minutes into the trip GSLL is asleep. In Portland, MARTHAWHO runs out of the bus ignoring GSLL's please for her to stop. All she can think about is getting into Mr. MARTHAWHO'S car and getting as far away from this dude as possible.

GSLL:
Wait! wait!

MARTHAWHO keeps running.

GSLL:
Hey wait.

GSLL catches up and grabs MW's shoulder. She turns around ready to rumble.

GSLL:
You dropped your sunglasses. God. What's wrong with you anyway.

GSLL walks off. MW is speechless.

###

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Perfection.

This morning I got a comment emailed to me from a month-old post. It is, like, my favorite comment EVER. For those of you who "get it" you'll "get it". If not, well then, enjoy the air up there.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

So, it WASN'T the Milkman After All...

Just a quick congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Bourgeois Deviant upon the birth of their strapping young son last week. The early photos were stunning and since the little bugger bears a striking resemblance to mom and more than a passing resemblance to Dad, I guess the Milkman (and Mrs. BD) are off the hook.

Looking forward to tales from BD's venture into Mr. Mom-dom when he comes up for air.

Many happy multi-denominational blessings to you all. Welcome to the club.

Love,
M-Dub